Gender Bending?
by GodofAwesome
Summary: Sexy Jutsu isn't Gender Change Jutsu. I take this idea and run with it.
1. Chapter 1

Haruno Sakura was on a rant today. Something or other, most likely involving either one of her male teammates or sensei, had set her off and she was gonna make know. However, she got off topic after the first five minutes.

"And you!" She pointed accusingly at Naruto, "And your stupid gender bending jutsu!"

"Gender bending?" Naruto asked, confused.

"Yeah! You turn into a sexy girl, or didn't you realize that, baka!?"

"Well, I knew that, but how does that gender bend?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A BOY!!!"

"No, I'm not."

"..."

"..."

"..."

All eyes were on Naruto. Sasuke was broken his brooding, his normal frown now twisted into a gape. Kakashi usually half-lidded eye was widened in surprise.

"What?"

"You... you're a girl?" Kakashi managed.

"Kakashi-sensei, listen to my voice. Does this high-pitch honestly sound like a boy's? And my face. Does this sweet little face look like a boy's?" He... or she said with a hint of arrogance in his or her tone.

"But... your crush on Sakura?" Sasuke asked, Sakura nodding her approval to the question.

"Oh, poor Sasuke-teme. Not such a genius after all, eh? It's called being a lez-bee-an."

"And... and your Sexy Jutsu?" Sakura asked.

"Does exactly as it says. Makes me sexy."

"But you don't even look like a girl!" Sakura portested, regaining her composure.

"Well, suuure, you can't see you figure under this jacket and pants. Some of us don't like needlessly showing off. Next you'll be telling my Hinata must be a boy cause you can't see her figure under her jacket!"

"I... see..." Kakashi murmured.

Meanwhile, far enough to hide yet near enough to hear...

"That's... that's kinda hot," The Hyuuga Heiress murmured.

XxXxX

Review by Kholdhearted...

**Ninja Academy:** 30 yen per term

**Orange Ninja Jumpsuit:** 40 yen

**Realising that your eternal rival is actually a lesbian loli:** Priceless

**Realising that all this actually turns you on:** ...

... Quite sick


	2. Chapter 2

"Proof."

"Eh?" Uzumaki Naruto turned to the window over her bed.

"I want proof," Uchiha Sasuke demanded, sitting on the window sill.

"Of what?"

"That you're a girl."

"And you come to my apartment, six in the morning, after I have just woken up, to ask this?" Naruto asks.

"Yes."

Naruto sighs, "Fine."

Uzumaki unbottons the shirt of her pajamas, she open it up to give the Uchiha a full on view of her chest. No bra.

Sasuke merely grunted, "Proves nothing. Could be fat."

Naruto's right eye twitched. Was... was Sasuke-teme calling her fat?

A low growl erupted from the depths of her chest, but the Uchiha ignored. Uchihas were certified ninja geniuses, but noone spoke of their intelligence in many other fields. The opposite gender (Uchiha females were also noted to suck with men as well) was one of the many field that Uchiha intelect fell short.

"I want to see it," Sasuke demanded. Naruto did not need to be explained what 'it' was.

"My- my-"

"Vagina? Pussy? Snatch?" Sasuke listed, "What have you. I'm not leaving till I see it."

Naruto gawked.

"You're a pervert."

Sasuke was unabashed, he simply kept staring. The Naruto's growl gave way to a second sigh. She grabbed her pants and panties, and pulled them down in one swift motion.

Sasuke blinked. It was true. With a grunt, he shot off.

"Next time! Buy me dinner first!" Naruto screamed after him.

Later...

Sasuke sat atop a building, a rare smile on his face.

With a poof, Kakashi appeared next to Sasuke. He still had his nose buried in his book, but he spoke to his student anyway.

"Sooo..." The Jounin began.

"I got the dobe to prove he's a she," Sasuke said smugly.

"And that's got you all happy becuase...?" Kakashi asked, still not looking away from his book.

"It means I'm not gay."

Kakashi looked up for the first time from his book. He regarded his student for a moment, and then decided he didn't wish to know further, so he just disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi appeared with a poof next to Sakura. Of course, after this morning's revelation, he decided to check on each student in turn. Sitting, more like crouching, on the bench next to Sakura, he began, not even looking up from his book.

"So-"

Sakura, however, did not let Kakashi finish. She turned to him with sparkles in her eyes and a smile on her face.

"Am I really that pretty, Kakashi-sensei? Even girls are attracted to me! Ino ain't got nothin' on that!"

Kakashi glanced at Sakura before returning to his book. He had heard of the stages of Death before. Denial was one of them. Sakura seemed to be going through something similiar, denying that she had a lesbian loli crushing on her was... well, Kakashi wouldn't say it was bad but... it was a bit disturbing. He knew he'd be disturbed if it turned out Gai was crushing on him.

Why, he'd commit seppuko on the spot. But that's not the point.

"So, you haven't got a problem with this?" Kakashi asked.

"Problem? Problem!? Why would _I_ have a problem? Everything's fine and dandy and gumdrops and rainbow and puppies and everything!"

"Cause you seem a little high-"

"EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!!" Sakura screamed, Inner Sakura at full reigns.

If Kakashi was in anyway intimidated by this display, he didn't show it.

"Ooookaaay... I'm gonna teleport away now. Don't follow me."

And so he did.

XxXxX

Kakashi appeared with a poof of smoke on Naruto's window sill. With his head still stuck in his book, he adressed his genin.

"So-"

"YOU AREN'T SEEING MY LADY PARTS TOO!!!" The jinchiruki screamed at her sensei.

"..."

Kakashi just decided teleporting away was the best option right now.

XxXxX

Days later...

"Where is that bastard!?" Naruto cried.

"Naruto! That is a very unlady like thing to say!" Sakura scolded.

"I'm a girl, not a lady!" Naruto retorted, but Sakura ignored her.

"Now that you're a girl, you should start dressing like one! Like me!" Sakura said with a bit of vanity.

"Sakura, you look good and all, but your dress isn't very practical for a shinobi," Naruto pointed out.

"Well, you aren't a shinobi! You're a kunoichi and you should start acting like one!"

"What about Fuzzy-brow teammate, Bun-head?" Naruto asked, reffering to Tenten, "She doesn't 'dress' or 'act like a kunoichi.'"

"She does count! Having Gai for a sensei is bound to mess up your fashion sense!"

Their was a poof of smoke as Kakashi appeared.

"Actually, Gai tend to make you more aware of the clothing you wear via counter-example," Kakashi stated, "Although it is true the Team Gai is likely to sacrifice fashion for practicality. Gai and Lee are penultimate examples of this with their tights."

"Where have you been!?" Naruto demanded with a silent agreeing Sakura and a ever silent Sasuke in the back.

"Well, that's a funny story involving two winnings hands, a dolphin, and the fate of the village," Kakashi began, "Ya see-"

But he was interupted by swirling twister of sand that conjured right behind Naruto. The you kunoichi turned around, slightly confused but not feeling threatened, despite everyone else producing kunai. When the twister disippated, it revealed none other than Subaku no Gaara.

And he was kneeling.

He looked up to Naruto and held aloft a box. In that box was a ring. He spoke in the same almost emotionless tone with a hint of demand that left no room for objections with the same scowling facial expression he almost always held.

"Uzumaki Naruto, will you marry me?"


	4. Chapter 4

-1Standing in a clearing, eyeing the other, were Uchiha Sasuke and Subaku no Gaara.

"Naruto is mine," Sasuke growled, "We're teammates. We're closer and she trusts me."

"Oh really?" Gaara husked, "Not enough to trust you with her secret."

"Secret?"

"Yes, the secret of her curse. A curse we both share. We are kindred spirits, her and I. Both hated by our villages. We understand each other, know each other quite… intimately."

Sasuke frowned, his Sharingan activating.

"Enough talk! We settle this like shinobi!" He challenged.

The sand swirled around Gaara violently, "I couldn't agree more."

"Hey!"

Naruto, appearing out of nowhere, jumped between the two.

"I can't have you two guys fighting," She said, "Not my two best friends."

"Best…"

"… friends?"

"Yeah, I love you guys like brothers," She smiled, "You're like family to me."

"Brothers…?"

"…family?"

"Yeah! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bunch of crazed kunoichi to run from. Can you believe they want to give me a make over?"

With that, Naruto was off, leaving two broken hearted ninja behind.

Earlier…

"Naaarutoooo," Came a slightly sultry voice to the roof top bound Naruto.

Sitting at the very edge of the roof, Naruto turned, "Sakura-chan?"

And indeed it was Sakura-chan, but she was not alone. Behind her were a gaggle of girls that included Yamanaka Ino and, for some reason, Subaku no Temari.

"Um… something' up?" Naruto asked.

"Well, ever since we found out you were a girl," Said one of the girls, a brunette with two pony-tail sticking out the side of her head, "We've been thinking you, well, been bringing a bad image to Konoha kunoichi."

"And kunoichi in general," Temari chirped.

"Bad image?"

"We can't have the world thinking were a bunch of cross-dressers!" Ino exclaimed.

"So…?" Naruto asked.

"So, we're gonna give you a-" Sakura began.

"MAKE OVER!!!" All of the girls exclaimed.

"…"

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!!"

Suddenly, a whole crown of Naruto's surrounded the legion of girls. Half held them back while the other half scattered in every direction. Shadow clones were no match for the fury of women, and soon they to were scattering to find the real Naruto.

Later…

"We found her in the Ramen Shop," Ino declared, she and Sakura carrying a tied up Naruto over their heads.

"You mean the idiot's favorite shop? How could she be so stupid?" Temari sighed.

"It's Naruto," Sakura said.

"I take it that's a good point?"

"Yeah."

"We'll, I'll get the rest of the girls."

Even more later…

To Be Continued…


	5. Chapter 5

-1"Although we decided it looks tacky as a jumpsuit," One girl giggled, "Orange is totally your color!"

Uzumaki Naruto frowned as she sat in the room of Haruno Sakura surrounded by a gaggle of girls. She had been eventually caught and forced to endure a make-over. Surprisingly, this consisted of very little make-up or hair mussing. Naruto realized he had never seen Sakura (Or any kunoichi) wear make-up and apparently her hair had been lauded as 'absolutely adorable' and 'befitting your tomboyish personality.' All they did was get her to wear some new clothes that Tenten (Who was not only a mistress of weapons but fabrics as well) made herself via designs drawn up by Ino (Who fancied herself a fashion designer apparently) with some help from Sakura (Who knew Naruto the best out of the group. Well, Hinata likely knew her better but she was hardly going to speak up) assistance by Hinata (Who was quite the coordinator as long as she had someone else, ie Sakura, Ino, or Tenten, actually giving out the order) and the other girls.

"So we made you this skirt!" Ino held up the article in question proudly, "It's orange, of course! I also noticed you like blue with your orange. Good choice! They're opposing colors and really accent each other so we added these blue sport stripes."

"And blue panties!" One slightly perverted girl declared excitedly, holding up a pair.

The other girls scowled at her but Naruto merely nodded appreciatively.

"Anyways," Ino continued dismissively as she tossed the skirt aside and picked up the next article, "We also made you this halter top. Orange, of course. Sakura also mentioned the swirls on your jumpsuit and they looked like clan symbols, so we put that on the back of the top."

Naruto frowned again, "Um… that doesn't look like it's gonna cover my belly."

Ino scowled, "Of course! It's a halter top!"

"Yeeaa- no."

"Huh? Why not?"

"See, I got thing on my stomach I'd rather not be showing off."

"Oooo! What thing?" Asked the perverted girl. However, before Naruto could say a word, she pounced her and unzipped her jumpsuit down to her belly.

WHACK!

Sakura smacked her right up side the head.

"STOP THAT, DEIMARA!!!"

"Ooooo…." Deimara moaned, "There isn't anything on her stomach."

"It only appears when I mold chakra," Naruto explained, slightly perplexed by the pouncing but little more.

"Show us!" Deimara demanded delightedly.

"Well… um…"

"I didn't know you had anything on your stomach, Naruto," Sakura commented curiously.

Naruto looked to Sakura and then nodded, determined. She slipped of her sleeves, allowing the top half of her jumpsuit to hang limply on her legs. She put her hands in a tiger seal as she mixed her physical and spiritual energies. The Death God's Seal materialized on her stomach.

"Oooo… interesting…" Deimara cooed, "What the fuck is it?"

"Looks like a seal," Sakura said, tapping her chin.

Tenten looked to Hinata, "Like the seal on Neji?"

Hinata shook her head, "This looks more complicated."

"Yes. This like something made to seal something else inside Naruto," Sakura stated as Naruto sweated profusely.

"Well, I think it's neat!" Ino declared, defusing the situation immediately, "You should show it off, Naruto!"

"S-sure!" Naruto stammered, both thanking and cursing the Yamanaka girl.

"Good! Now put that on! We're all going out!" Ino ordered.

"Huh?"

"That friend of your from Suna is treating us all to Karaoke!" Tenten smiled.

Deimara winked at Naruto, "I think he has a crush on you."

_Tell me about it… wait… KARAOKE!?_

XxXxX

And lo was Naruto dragged to the karaoke bar because every town spawned by the Japanese, imagined and real, must have a karaoke bar. It's only proper. Everyone was pushed into doing a song with stunning results.

Like Naruto and her use of her shadow clones as back-up dancers.

"CAUSE IT"S THE THRILLA!!!! THRILLER NIGHT COME ON!!!"

She somehow convinced Gaara (Okay, she merely asked and he jumped at the chance) to due the epilogue-esque end to the song.

"And those without the soul for getting down…"

The rest of Sand Siblings, after tracking down their brother, were also convinced to sing. Kankuro creatively used his puppets, Karasu and Kuroari, as singers while he sang in the background in a disturbingly techno voice.

"Make us harder, better, faster, stronger!"

"Th-th-that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger!"

Hinata surprised everyone when she showed off her love for orchestral-rock.

"IS THIS! THE END OF ALL HOPE!?!"

Kakashi convinced Rock Lee to do a duet with him. Mostly, it was Lee who sang.

"Come around ye lads and lasses, sit thee for a while. Harken to me mindful tale about the Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses to friends and family gone, And raised our voices to another Irish drinking song!"

None of the assembled knew who the Irish were, but apparently they drank a lot of alcohol. Apparently so did Gai and Lee as Lee did another duet abut drinking.

"Drink with your family, drink it with your friends! Drink 'till your fat stomach distends! Beeeer! It's liquid bread; it's good for you! We like to drink 'till we spew! Ew!"

Sasuke and Shino did a techno / rock song about an obscure holiday from the Western lands.

"This is Halloween! This is Halloween!"

Kiba did an amazingly appropiate song about becoming an animal.

"I'm still caged inside!"

Asuma also did a rock song and apparently copied Kankuro's techno voice.

"I. Am. Iiiiiron Man."

Neji sang an appropriately arrogant song.

"Weeeee are the champions! Noooo time for losers cause weeee are the champions! Of the world!"

And, although noone could make out their words, suffice to say, Chouji and Shikamaru rocked out really, really hard. Noone knew they could play the guitar or bass.

Oh yeah, Deimara did Crazy Frog. We shall speak of that no further.

All and all, good times were had by all finished with the finale by Gaara.

"SHEEE HAS A DEMON HEART!!!!"

It was dedicated to Naruto.

Soon, they all retired from singing and mingled into socializing.

"YOSH! Naruto, my second eternal rival, you are looking different tonight!" Lee exclaimed with a smile and a thumbs up, "Did you get a hair cut?"

"Um… Lee, you did hear about me being a girl, right?" Naruto asked worriedly.

"Oh yes! Most surprising but most youthful that you have become most truthful with your gender!" He answered enthusiastically, still smiling.

"And you still want to be my rival?"

"Of course! Your gender matter not, Naruto!" He exclaimed passionately, a frown on his face and fire in his eyes, "It is the burning fire of your youth that matters! I wish more could see that!"

Naruto smiled, "Thanks Lee! You always know how to cheer someone up!"

"It is my youth, right?"

"Might be, most likely!"

"That answer is good enough for me!"

"Good!"

"But Naruto, with your gender out in the open, one question has come to me," Lee said, becoming serious.

"Huh? What?" Naruto asked curiously, frowning.

"Are you still in love with Sakura-chan?"

Naruto scowled but smiled nonetheless, "Duh! Of course!"

Lee returned the expressiong, "Than we are both rivals in youth and rivals in love, Naruto!"

"Wouldn't have it any other way!"

Elsewhere…

"Look, Kakashi! My precious Lee still accepts Naruto as his rival even after the revelation of her youthful femininity!" Gai exclaimed.

"Well, with a teammate like Tenten, he is certainly going to gander respect for the fairer sex," Kakashi replied, looking at his book. He added, under his breath, "And with a girly-boy like Neji as his 'eternal rival…'"

"What was that, Rival Kakashi?"

"Oooo, nothing."

Elsewhere…

Sasuke and Gaara glared at each other.

Elsewhere…

"It's just, it was weird enough with Naruto stalking me," Sakura told the assembled girl, "But now I know the baka's a girl and still in love with me! And Hinata must've been devastated when she found out. Right Hinata?" Sakura turned to the shy Hyuuga Heiress, "You okay Hinata?"

Deimara leaned over, "I think she's busy ogling Naruto."

"Ah…. never mind then…"

Elsewhere…

"So Naruto is a girl?" Shikamaru asked, "That explains why she's so troublesome."

Elsewhere…

"Gee, Pein, what are we gonna do tomorrow night?"

"The same thing we do every night, Konan. Try to take over the world!"

"Zoink!"

"Quiet, Tobi."

Elsewhere…

The girls, not including Naruto, had grabbed the karaoke machine and were leading everyone into a dance with a song traditional sung by men by using a Gender Bender Jutsu conveniently taught to them by Kakashi.

"MOVE YOUR BODY!"

"Go Sakura-kun!" Naruto cheered.

"Why do you have a Gender Bender Jutsu?" Gai asked.

"Hm? Oh… Let's just say I do it better than Naruto, kay?" Kakashi answered cryptically.


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto was dreaming that dream again. The dream where she was walking down a damp, wet, and dark tunnel. These dreams were always quite lucid. However, Naruto had heard that lucid dream were easily controlled by the dreamer. Either that was utter bull, or just ignored here, because Naruto knew what was always at the end of this tunnel.

Kyuubi no Youko, the Nine-Tailed Fox Demon and God of Fire

Not that she remembered most of these titles or even his name. Naruto knew him as 'Demon Fox' and refused to call him anything else.

Now Naruto stood in a room. It was lit by a dozen torches. The far end of the room was dominated by the bars of a prison cell. A cell that, even with all the torches outside it, was pitch black. Naruto knew what was inside however. She only came down here for two reason. First might be she was in grave danger and instinctively came down here to barter with the fox for power. However, Naruto knew quite well she was sleeping peacefully in her bed. That meant only one thing. The demon wanted to talk.

"**Brat…"**

"Fox…"

"**It seems you have come forward to your comrades about your gender…"**

"Yeah, so?"

"**This is good… now we can move unto more important things…"**

"Huh? What?"

"**Getting you a male."**

_Oh. My. Kami._

That damn fox was trying to play matchmaker!

"Um… Kyuubi…. WHAT!?"

"**Now that your gender is out in the open, it is time you take your birth right as a woman and breed."**

"B-breed!?"

"**Well, you humans normally call it sex."**

"SEX!?"

"**Yes, it's what you do to make little kits. Or, in your case, babies, I guess. You do know about this, right?"**

"WHA!?"

"**Oh, I see… Well, when a female's biological clock goes off and her womb takes over her head-"**

"I KNOW HOW BABIES ARE MADE!!!"

"**Oh, that's good. That's saves my a whole lot of trouble."**

"I just don't see why it's important to you!"

"**Well, I wish to satisfy urges of my own…"**

"Oh… wait…. You're gay?"

"**Gayer than the Village People!"**

"The villagers are gay too? That explains… so very little…"

"**No, not those village people!"**

"You never struck me as gay, fox…"

"**Brat, I am an immortal being many eons old. I change my preferences every now and then to keep myself amused."**

"I don't think it works that way…"

"**In my natural form, I am a ten story tall defiance again biological, physical, and most other natural laws. Please do not lecture me on how things should work. Now, we're getting off topic. About getting you a male."**

"No! I don't want a boyfriend! Or any other girl than Sakura!"

"**What does that pink haired harlot have that others don't!?"**

"Um… pink hair…"

"**That's it?"**

"Yeah, I always had a thing for pink hair!"

"**I see… and if some male were to have pink hair?"**

"I guess I would be crushing on him… maybe…"

"… **Thank you, brat. That is all."**

"Huh? What do you mean that's agidilsmerklshnek!"

As Naruto fell out of lucidity and into a dream of drowning in a giant bowl of ramen, the Kyuubi decided to practice a power he had not used for a long time.

Dream hacking.

All he needed was a weak minded fool to enter the dreams of. Unfortunately, the males after Naruto's heart were not such fools but their was one such fool.

_**Deimaaaaraaa…..**_

_Huh? Wha? Is that you, female raptor Jesus?_

… _**Eh…. Sure…**_

_Go away! I wanted mecha Buddha!_

Kyuubi mentally frowned. He decided to opt for a more direct approach.

_**Listen you, insipid fool! I understand that you enjoy interfering with others' love life for your own amusement.**_

_Sure do!_

_**Then I have some information that may help with your hobby. It's about Naruto. She likes those with pink hair. Tell this to her would-be suitors. And tell the Haruno girl too! She'll dye her hair something else in an attempt to distance Naruto from herself. Yes…**_

_Um… and why should I trust you?_

_**Well, I'm a voice in your head. Why shouldn't you trust me?**_

_Well, then how did you get this info? Not from my head! I didn't know this or I wouldn't need you telling me._

_**Well… I wander about…**_

_My mind does tend to wander…_

_**Yes! Now will you give this information out!**_

_Sure thing! So that's Sasuke, Gaara, and Sakura I should tell, right?_

_**Yes, yes!**_

_Oh, and Hinata too! She has a crush on Naruto, ya know._

_**No! Not her! Don't tell-**_

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Then Deimara's alarm woke her up.

Meanwhile, with Team 7 at the meeting spot on the bridge...

"You were amazing last night, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed, referencing to the karaoke bar.

Flashback…

"AAAnd IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-eeeIIIIII will always looove yoooooouuu!!!!"

Presently…

Blushing, Sakura smiled, "Thanks, Naruto!" She then looked expectantly at Sasuke.

"Hn…" Was his only response.

Sakura's face fell.

"So, dobe-chan," Sasuke intoned, "Any thoughts on my performance?"

"Eh… it was nice, I suppose. You didn't really keep up with Shino, though."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in anger, "Dobe."

"Teme," Naruto shot back before turning a smiling face to the still saddened Sakura, "So how 'bout me!? Did I do good!"

However, Sakura was to busy languishing in Sasuke's neglect. Naruto frowned sadly at this.

"HAY GUYS!!!"

"Ack! Deimara, what the hell are you doing here!?" Sakura demanded of the crazed kunoichi.

"Not much, just got some info I need to share with you and Sasuke," Deimara noted.

"Does that information sharing involve groping my ass?" Sasuke asked.

"Huh? No, that's just a bonus."

Sasuke sighed and flickered next to Naruto as Sakura pounded Deimara in the head.

"Hey, it's the Shy Girl!" Naruto finally exclaimed, pointing at Deimara.

Sakura, who currently had Deimara in a headlock, frowned, "Naruto, this isn't Hinata."

"She definitely isn't shy in any way," Sasuke reminded, rubbing his violated ass.

"I think she may be referring to the way I dress?" Deimara said, still struggling from Sakura's headlock, "The robes, the hood, and the mask are almost exactly like the Shy Guy."

"Except that weird blue-gray color," Naruto noted.

"Yeah, well red isn't a very good color for- GACK!" Deimara was unable to finish as Sakura squeezed harder.

"Now, what is it you wanted to tell us?" Sakura asked through a strained smile.

"Well, only you and Sasuke can know. Gaara and Hinata too. Naruto already know but she's not allowed to know I know what she knows, okay?"

Sakura, curiosity pigue, loosened her grip on Deimara, "Oh… okay…"

"Wait, I'm not allowed to know something I already know? But that doesn't… bwa….. HUH!?"

Naruto had to sit down and mutter to herself as she attempted vainly to recollect her thoughts.

"Aaanyways, let's talk about this elsewhere," Deidara suggested as she slipped out of Sakura's grasps, "Those highly inconspicuous trees on yonder of there seem perfect!"

"Sounds good to me!" Sakura agreed. Sasuke grunted.

"It doesn't make any sense…" Naruto muttered.

Later, in the forest…

"So, as it turns out, Naruto is into people with pink hair," Deimara finished, "Or, at least the voices in my head tell me so."

"Riiiight…." Sakura snided with a disbelieving look on her face.

"You got another explanation for why Naruto is obsessed with you and only you?" Deimara asked, corssing her arms.

Sakura gave a victory sign, "Cause I'm beautiful?"

"Ah, I see. You like the attention she gives you then?"

"Wha?"

"Or better yet, you actually like her?"

"NO!"

"You're heart flutters every time she says your name!"

"THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL!!!"

"'Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!' And you just want to scream back, 'Yes! Take me Naruto-chan!'"

"NOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Then dye your hair."

"FINE!"

Deimara turned to Sasuke, "So what about you?"

"I'll go with Sakura to get some hair dye," He said.

With that, Sakura's demeanor immediately changed. She grabbed Sasuke arm and squealed, "Come on, Sasuke-kun! I'll find you the best shade of pink, just like mine!"

"Hn," He grunted as he allowed himself to be dragged off.

As they disappeared, Deimara put her hands on her hips, "Well, that just leaves Gaara and Hinata!"

"No need," Came a hoarse voice.

"GAH!" Deimara jumped a yard up and landed hard on her butt. She turned her head to see Subaku no Gaara hanging upside-down from a tree branch.

"Ah… guess that leaves Hinata?" Deimara commented.

"No need," Gaara repeated. His arms uncrossed and he gestured towards some bushes to his left, which would be his right if he were right-side up. The cork on his gourd popped out and a stream sand shot out of it and into the pushes.

"KYAH!" Hyuuga Hinata cried as she was dragged out from within the bushes by a rope of sand.

"Ah… cool…"

Meanwhile, back on the bridge…

Kakashi, late as ever, flickered unto the bridge's railings with a poof of smoke in a crouching position with his nose in his book. However, he came to find only a third of his team there and not in the best condition. Right below him, cradling herself in a fetal position and rocking back and forth, was Naruto.

"Can't know what I know, can't know what I know, can't know what I know…" She repeated over and over.

Kakashi lowered his back slightly so he could observe his comatose student even better. He then raised it again, sighed deeply, and disappeared in puff of smoke and away from the insanity.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the mix-up, readers, but I uploaded Chapter Five twice when I meant to upload Chapter Six. It's fixed now **so go read Ch 6 before reading this.**

XxXxX

Karaoke bar…

"So now Sasuke, Gaara, and Hinata have dyed their hair pink?" Ino asked.

"Yep!" Deimara nodded.

"… This is insane. And Sakura dyed her hair something else?"

"Possibly, didn't see her through, just the Cotton Candy Corp. Also, not as insane as that black and white and green guy singing, 'I'm Bringing Sexy Back.'" Deimara pointed out, gesturing to the stage.

"The other boys don't know how to act!" Zetsu sang.

XxXxX

By the river that runs through Konoha…

"Itachi-san, are you sure about this?" Kisame asked his partner.

"Yes. Zetsu's intelligence suggests that the Nine-Tailed jinchuuriki is somehow drawn to pink hair," Itachi said.

"So you dyed your hair pink?"

"Yes. This is the easiest way to catch the Fox Demon. When it is done, that pain in the ass of a boss we have can stop pestering."

Somewhere, Pein sneezed. Now back to Konoha.

"Hey, you got pretty hair!" Naruto told the strange pink haired man as she walked past him.

"Thanks," Itachi muttered.

"Um, Itachi-san, I think that's the jinchuuriki," Kisame said.

"No."

"But Zetsu said-"

"Zetsu says a lot of things. I'm not beating up a little blonde girl."

"But you'll dye your hair pink?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Fine!" Itachi finally caved. He turned to Naruto and barked, "You! Are you Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Uh… yeah…" Naruto answered as she turned to Itachi with a confused expression.

"Good," Itachi said as he flickered behind Naruto who's eye widened.

"ITACHI!"

Itachi turned to the sound of the voice. It was Sasuke.

And his hair was pink. The exact same shade of pink as Sakura.

"Hmm… you're trying to catch this girl too, then?" Itachi asked casually.

"Damn right I am! And I'm not letting you take her!"

"Foolish little brother," Itachi mocked, "You lack hatred."

"Who needs hatred when I have love!?"

Meanwhile, an angel dies…

Then a swirling tornado of sand materiazed between the two Uchihas. It faded and revealed Subaku no Gaara.

And his pastel pink hair.

"Naruto is mine!" He claimed.

"Never!" Sasuke retorted.

"Foolish jinchuuriki," Itach said, "You lack good hair dye."

"Am I the only one who's freaked out by all of this pink hair?" Kisame asked incredulously.

"Look at all this pink hair?" Naruto beamed, "And all of them fighting over little ol' me. I feel as giddy as a gender-confused school girl."

"Guess not…"

Naruto continued smiling like a moron until someone grabbed her arm.

"Naruto-kun…"

Naruto turned to see Hinata.

And her hot pink hair.

"It's like I've died and gone to Heaven…" Naruto murmured.

"We have to get out of her, Naruto-kun," Hinata insisted.

"I'll go anywhere you tell me to, pink thang," Naruto flirted.

Hinata would have died of blushing if a giant sword didn't try to slice her just then. Instinctually, Hinata grabbed Naruto and pushed her out of the way. The blade passed over them. Hinata got up and got into a Jyuuken stance.

"Yeah, I'm thinking' I can't let you do that," Kisame stated, slinging the sword unto his shoulders, "With Itachi distracted, I'll have to make sure the jinchuuriki stays in sight. I can't kill her, but you're a different story."

In the face of true danger, not embarasement from her family or peers. With not only herself in danger, but Naruto, her crush, her comrade, in danger, something inside her mind simply clicked. It was as if all the pretense of weakness washed away, all the shyness and the fear of embarrassment was washed away by a tide of fear of death and fear of what this blue man may do to Naruto.

"Eight Trigrams! Sixty-Four Palms!" She called out as she executed her clan Taijutsu, "One Hit! Two Hits! Four Hits! Eight Hits! Sixteen Hits! Thirty-Two Hits! Sixty-Four Hits!"

Despite this sudden and startling character development, Hinata was still dealing with an S-Class criminal. Kisame just kinda put his big ol' sword in front of him. That did the trick of blocking Hinata's attack.

"Nice try, little girl, but I'm one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist and Taijutsu alone can't beat-"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!!!" Maito Gai cried as he made his suitable dynamic entrance. Into Kisame's skull.

"MY HEAD!!! BUT I KEEP MY BRAIN IN THERE!!!!!!!"

"Not any more, you don't!" Gai told the now unconscious shark man.

"Man, that was so cool!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Thank you, Naruto-chan!" Gai thanked, giving a thumbs up and sparkling smile, "Now would you explain what's all this ruckus?"

"Well…" Naruto opted to simply point at the fighting pink-haired trio.

"Foolish little brother, you lack-"

"If you keep saying that, THIS CHIDORI IS GOING STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS!!!"

"How many times must I Sand Coffin you people!?"

Gai frowned, "Ah…"

Meanwhile, in the Hokage's office…

"I've been wondering, Kakashi," Tsunade told the jounin currently lounging on her . Why he was doing that was beyond her, but she had no work to do and she needed the eye candy. She also wanted some questions answered.

Kakashi did not look away from his book as he answered the Hokage, "Oh?"

"How is that Naruto kept her gender hidden all these years?"

"Fox's influence," Kakashi answered simply.

"Hm?"

"We have seen the dangerous aspects of the fox come forth in dangerous times," Kakashi explained, "We may see the more innocent aspects during the more innocent times."

"Innocent aspects?" Tsunade asked.

"Kyuubi no Youko may be a demon, but he is also a kitsune," Kakashi explained further, "If Gaara had had his demon more properly sealed, he'd likely be a drunken pervert since Ichibi no Shikaku is a tanuki and that's what tanuki are."

"Hmph…"

One of the chunin assistants burst through the door.

"Hokage-sama! Uchiha Itachi and two other members of Akatsuki have been spotted!" He reported, "Itachi is currently engaged with Uchiha Sasuke and Sabaku no Gaara! Gai is at the scene and has neutralized the second Akastuki member. ANBU teams are trailing the third."

Meanwhile, with Zetsu, who jumping across rooftops to escape ANBU persuers…

"These guys be all up in our grill!" Said one half.

"I concur! These ruffians are quite rude to our 'grill,'" Agreed the other half.

Back to the Hokage…

"We really need to look into getting rid of Gaara," Tsunade said.

"You wanna be the one to tell him he can't be near Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

"No, not really."

Back to the battle scene…

Kisame groaned as he regained consciousness. Somehow his neck didn't break. That may be because his bones are made of catrilage and his neck bent without breaking. Unfortunately, that also meant soft tissue around his brain.

_I think I forgot a couple jutsu… and my name, damn it…. Well, I know this freak in green kicked me, the blonde chick has a demon, that guy throwing sand around has one too, the guy the sand guy is fighting is my partner, and the kid with the thunder hand is my partner's brother, also trying to kill my partner._

_Man, have I forgotten everyone's name?_

"But we don't wants to be caught!" Zetsu cried as he hopped along the surface of the water and away from the ANBU.

_Damnit! Out of all the names I had to remember, it had to be Zetsu's! Well, I'm getting the crap away from all this pink hair. Some people don't have any sense of style!_

Jumping over the three spectators, Kisame landed between the three fighters, grabbed Itachi ("Hey! You lack pink hair!"), and bolted it down the river.

"ITACHI!" Sasuke attempted to run after Itachi but an arm wrapped around his neck.

"Woah! Sasuke, wait!" Naruto demanded, "Gai said this guy's out of your league."

"But I must kill him!" Sasuke croaked.

"Um… why?"

"He is my brother, the one that killed my family!"

"Oh, him? Well, he kinda can kill you by blinking," Naruto explained, "Gai said he was just messing with you two."

"I'm not strong enough? I'm not strong enough…" Tears began to well up in Sasuke.

"Well, you're still a genin," Naruto assured before she smiled, "But together, me, you, Gaara, Hinata, and Sakura can improve beyond recognition with plenty of training!"

"Yosh! Let the power of youth compel you!" Gai exclaimed.

"…" Sasuke was silent for a moment, "Can I really equal my brother this way?"

"With hard work and determination, you can do anything!" Naruto said, "Lee taught me that!"

"Didn't I crush to of his appendages?" Gaara asked, receiving a glare from Naruto.

Naruto now shifted her arms so she clutched Sasuke more comfortably and drew Hinata and Gaara into an embrace as well, "Now, once we get Sakura, my Pink Hairem trains!"

"Hairem?" Sasuke asked incredulously.

"H-hairem!?" Hinata squeaked.

"About Sakura," Gaara began.

XxXxX

Kisame paused in his jumping to admire a light-blue haired girl in a blue dress.

"Finally, someone with style!" He said before jumping away.

"Thanks…?" Sakura murmured, confused.

XxXxX

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Naruto screamed when Gaara told her the bad news.


	8. Chapter 8

As Kakashi made his way across the rooftops towards Sasuke's location, he spotted two people of interest on the street . He jumped down behind them, drawing their attention. All three of them were silent for a moment before Kakashi spoke.

"Zabuza, Haku, aren't you dead?"

"We got better," Retorted the missing-nin.

"Ah…"

"Excuse me, Hatake-san, but would you like a better explanation?" Haku asked politely.

"Yeah, that would be appropriate," Kakashi answered.

"You see, the Shinigami challenges those who enter his realm to three games," Haku explained, "Chess, Poker, and Monopoly-"

Zabuza interrupted Haku when he put a hand on his young protégé's head and pushed him down excitedly, "And me and Haku are Chess-Poker-Monopoly Gods!"

Haku nodded, unperturbed by his sensei's behavior, "We used to get our funding from Chess-Poker-Monopoly Tournaments before Zabuza decapitated a judge."

"Bastard was corrupts, I tell you," Zabuza murmured.

"So you beat the Shinigami and he brought you back to life?" Kakashi surmised.

"Yep," Zabuza confirmed.

"Well, weird things have been happening lately, so I'm going to believe you."

"Yes, we heard about Naruto's gender," Haku said, "Strange that she should be a girl and I a boy. I have come here to win her love as she has won mine."

Kakashi looked up at Haku's carnation pink hair, "I can see that. By the way, how'd you get past the gaurds?"

"Well, I was gonna chop of their heads, but Haku just turned them into living pin cushions," Zabusa explained.

"Emphasis on 'living,'" Haku added.

"Ah…"

Meanwhile, at the Gates….

Kisame found it really amusing that the gaurds were already incapitated. He recognized the clean work of the Mist's Hunter Nin and their senbon needles and wandered if his old village was invading the place.

Back to Kakashi…

"Well, I should warn you, Haku, Naruto already has several suitors," Kakashi said.

"Like the one with pink hair?" Haku asked.

"They all have pink hair," Kakashi answered, "Come on, I'll show you. You'll have to stay here though, Zabuza."

"Hm, why?" Zabuza asked.

"I think the ANBU want to have a few words with you," Kakashi said.

"Zabuza of the Demon Mist," Said the masked ANBU Captain standing behind Zabuza, "Please come quietly."

Zabuza sighed, "Go with Kakashi, Haku. Zabusa is gonna have to choke a bitch."

"Yes, Zabuza," Haku nodded and left with Kakashi.

"Now," Zabuza turns to the assembled ANBU as he unsheathes his sword, "WHO WANTS SO-"

WHACK!

Then a newly sprouted tree planted its top right into Zabuza's crotch.

"OH KAMI! MY LITTLE HÒCHÒ!"

"Good one, Captain," One of the ANBU agent complimented his superior.

XxXxX

"Sa-ku-ra-chaaaaan," Naruto whined, "Pleeeaaase change it back!"

"No, Naruto," Sakura crossed her arms defiantly, "I finally found a way to get you to stop stalking me, so there."

Naruto opened her mouth to shoot back a reply, but then she spotted someone she never expected to see just behind Sakura.

"Haku!?"

Sakura turned to the super bishie boy as well, "Hey, aren't you dead?"

Haku smiled warmly, "I got better."

"I- buh- wha-"

Sakura grabbed her hair in frustration, "No! No more! Nothing makes sense anymore!"

She then screamed loudly as she stalked off. This lead to a long awkward pause between Haku and Naruto.

"So…." Haku scratched his head nervously, "I heard you like pink hair?"

Attention drawn to the carnation pink, Naruto smiled like a maniac, "Oh yeah!"

"So, does that mean you don't want that Sakura girl anymore?"

Naruto frowned, "It wasn't just her pink hair. I always liked her for her."

"She never seemed very nice to you," Haku pointed out, "From what little I saw."

"Well, I have been a bit of a stalker," Naruto said thoughtfully.

"So what was this I heard about other suitors?"

"Yeah, well, apparently Sasuke-teme, Sasuke-teme's brother, Gaara, and even Hinata like me like that," Naruto smiled proudly before frowning, "Whoever what have thought shy little Hinata would crush on me?"

"EVERYONE BUT YOU, DUMBASS!!" Sakura's voice floated over.

"Why, she's got some pair of ears on her," Naruto sighed wistfully.

"What does she have that makes you so attracted to her?" Haku asked curiously.

"Well, she was the first person to be nice to me, really," Naruto explained casually.

"She doesn't seem as such now."

"Yeah, well, I kinda overextended my welcome," Naruto said nervously, "See, I started crushing on her and, well…."

"Started acting like an annoying stalker?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it _that way," Naruto whined._

_At the Karaoke Bar…_

"_So this guy looks like a girls," Gaara confirmed._

"_Yes," Sasuke nodded._

"_And Naruto likes girls," Hinata murmured._

"_And were hoping she likes boys too," Gaara said._

"_Meaning Haku is…" Sasuke began._

"_More attractive than us to Naruto," Gaara finished, "Our manliness is our undoing."_

"_And my lack of, er, boy parts," Hinata blushed._

"_If only we has a way to be just as girly as Haku," Gaara stated._

"_Doesn't Naruto have a technigue for that?" Hinata suggested._

"_It only makes you sexier, it doesn't change you gender, right?" Gaara asked._

"_Well, it makes Konohamaru a girl, doesn't it?" Sasuke put in._

"…"

_Later on…_

_Konohamaru blinked, "You guys want me to teach you what?"_

_Back at the Karaoke Bar, but still Later on…_

"_Is it just me, or is this song totally appropriate for Lee?" Naruto asked, looking up at the stage._

"_I wouldn't know really," Haku shrugged._

"_Well, let's just say 'Eye of the Tiger' is totally his song, and leave it at that."_

"_Hey, Naruto, who's your girlfriend?" Kiba asked as he sat down next to them._

_Before Naruto could answer, Kiba gave Naruto a once over and commented again, "I see its true that you're really a girl now."_

"_Yeah well-"_

"_I mean, if that's how you feel on the inside, we're all cool with it," He said, scratching his head nervously. Akamaru growled in affirmation from atop his head._

"_Wha- no, Kiba, I really am a girl."_

"_Huh? Oooooo…"_

"_Yeah."_

"_You got the operation."_

"_Yea- WHA!?"_

"_Who did it? Lady Tsunade?"_

"_No-"_

"_Yeah, you're right. It was probably Sakura."_

"_Kiba-"_

"_Well, at least you still like girls though," He smiled, "Otherwise, it would've been awkward."_

_Naruto gaped as her mind reeled. Kiba cheerfully took Haku hand and shook it, "Hi there, miss! I'm Kiba."_

"_I'm Haku," Haku nodded._

"_Beautiful name," He nodded, before frowning, "Are you two on a date?"_

"_You could say that," Haku said._

_Kiba got up, "I'll leave you two alone them."_

_As he walked away, he shouted back, "Good luck with the change, Naruto!"_

_Akamaru barked in affirmation._

"_Buh- buh- buh-" Naruto stammered._

"_He seems nice," Haku told him._

"_Buuuuuuh…."_


	9. Chapter 9

Naruto walks down the Konohan street, shaking her head in disdain. As she strolls, Shino trots past. As I find myself running out of words for 'walk,' Naruto stops doing that very thing and turns back to Shino, realizing she hasn't talked to him since….

Well, she didn't talk to Shino very much. One can talk _at _Shino but you get the feeling he's tuning you out due to lack of responsiveness. I mean, he doesn't even nod and say, 'Uh-huh,' to pretend he's listening and you just know he not looking at you from behind those glasses.

But Naruto felt compelled to speak to him.

"Oi, Shino!" She called. Shino stopped unceremoniously and turned.

"Yes, Naruto?"

"I met up with Kiba earlier," She mentioned Shino teammate.

"I am aware," Shino nodded, "I am also aware that he believes that you were not always female."

"Oh yeah," Naruto grinned and snickered, "Pretty nice about it though."

"Yes. His ability to accept abnormalities in his comrades is superior to most but his ability to admit his shortcomings is inferior."

"Shortcomings?" Naruto perked up curiously.

"Quite. He will never admit that his and Akamaru's sense of smell are inferior to that of my kikai bugs."

Naruto grinned slyly, "Oh really? How's that?"

"I have always known you were female," Shino admitted bluntly.

.

.

.

"Eh!?" Naruto shouted, "Then how come you never mentioned it?"

Nonchalantly, Shino shrugged, "I did not believe it to be important."

"Buh-buh-buh-"

"Good bye, Naruto," Shino said as he turned back around and strolled away, "And good luck with your change."

"Buuuuuuuuuuuh- wait, did Shino crack a joke?"

XxXxX

"There he is."

"And he's with Sakura."

"Why is he with Sakura-san?"

The Cotton Candy Brigade, consisting of Gaara, Sasuke, and Hinata, were practicing their stealth skills as they spied on Haku and prepared to ambush him.

"So when are we going to ambush him?" Gaara asked.

"No, wait. Change of plans," Sasuke rubbed his chin.

"What is it?" Hinata asked.

"Follow me lead," He said ordered.

Sasuke jumped from his hiding place and between Haku and Sakura.

"Well, you seem to be getting along with a romantic rival well," Sasuke told Haku.

"Eh? Sasuke-kun?" Sakura meeped, startled.

Haku was undisturbed, "Romantic Rival? I understand Naruto crushed on her, but she tells me she has no interest, unlike yourself."

Sasuke smirked maliciously, "You don't believe that, do you?"

"Sa-sa-sasuke-kun? What are you doing?" Sakura stammered, extremely Hinata like. To add to her nervousness was the sudden appearance of Gaara in a flurry of sand. His outstretched hand beheld a floating eye.

"I have seen how she looks at her," The jinchuuriki stated, "I have seen how she fawn at her when she isn't looking."

"Hinata has seen it too," Sasuke added.

Hinata stuck her head out of the bush, "Hai!"

Sasuke's Sharingan activated, "We have all seen it with our own eyes."

Haku smirked devilishly, turning from the pink haired trio to the formerly pink hair kunoichi.

"Is that so?"

Sakura's eye widened in fear.

XxXxX

Naruto was still gaping stupidly for the second time this day, wondering what the hell just happened. However, her thoughts were interrupted but a scream.

Naruto turned to its source, startled by recognition.

"Sakura-chan!?" True fear crept into her voice as she sprinted off in the direction of the scream.

Leaping over a tall building in a single bound, Naruto landed between Sakura and the attacking Cotton Candy Brigade minus Hinata but plus Haku.

"LEAVE SAKURA ALONE!!!" Naruto cried, her eyes red and her pupils slit. She charged the pink haired trio, knocking Haku out with one punch, then delivering a kick that would make Rock Lee proud right into Sasuke's face.

Speaking of Rock Lee, he was currently performing a super sonic Dynamic Entry right into Gaara's abdomens. Surprised, Naruto's eyes returned to normal and Rock Lee flipped into the air and landed gracefully next to Naruto. The victorious duo stood over the defeated trio.

"Didn't I tell you, Sakura-chan?" Lee proclaimed, giving the blue haired girl a thumbs up, "I would protect you until the day I died!"

"Yeah, yeah, me too!" Naruto copied Lee's nice guy pose causing the taijutsu prodigy to glower at her.

Sakura, for her part, was shocked at first by the preceding than her face broke into a smile. Interrupting their posing, Sakura grabbed both their shoulders and drawing her entice protectors close. She kissed Naruto and Lee on the ckeek in that order.

Too shocked for words, the duo stood stock still, allowing Sakura to turn around and walk away giggling.

The Next Day…

Naruto was happy. Why was she happy? Well, along with returning to a red dress, Sakura had washed the dye out of her hair.

"Do you like it, Naruto-chan?" She coyfully asked a drooling Naruto. She nodded her head rapidly in response, unable to muster the words. Sakura flashed Sasuke a deadly glare before softening in an almost playful manner, "You better watch out, Sasuke-kuuun," She said the 'kun' almost mockingly now, "You and you Cotton Candy Brigade can't compare to the original and all-natural specimen."

Sasuke realized then that the greatest rival for Naruto's attention had become an even greater threat. He could not physical harm Sakura. Naruto proved that she would protect her.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino ran up to the trio, waving at the Uchiha.

Uchiha then pondered something he really shouldn't ponder.

Later…

Foxything has logged on…

Foxything: Woo! Kakashi-sensei got me this sweet computer! Now I get to check out this chat thing everyone talks about.

Foxything: And I'm talking to myself.

I_am_Batman has logged on….

Foxything: Someone is here! Wheee! Hello new person!

I_am_Batman: Oh ye gods, don't be who I think you are.

Foxything: Well, who do you think I am?

I_am_Batman: Naruto?

Foxything: Ding, ding, ding! You get a bowl of Ramen!

Foxything: *Gives Batman a bowl of ramen*

sharinganpowa4ever has logged on…

sharinganpowa4ever: sup

Foxything: Sasuke?

sharinganpowa4ever: sup

I_am_Batman: Some genius you are.

sharinganpowa4ever: wazzat meen?

I_am_Batman: Can't even spell right.

bYakuganpowafoevafu has logged on…

I_am_Batman: Oh

Foxything: My

sharinganpowa4ever: gawd

bYakuganpowafoevafu: Yo, yo, yo!

I_am_Batman: Neji?

bYakuganpowafoevafu: Oh hell no! I'm not that snot nose punk!

Foxything: Hinata?

bYakuganpowafoevafu: I'm not that stuttering bitch, either!

sharinganpowa4ever: then hu?

bYakuganpowafoevafu: Iz Hanabi-sama in the hizzouse!!!

I_am_Batman: Ah…

Foxything: Wait… who is Batman?

sharinganpowa4ever: bruce waine?

I_am_Batman: It's Shikamaru

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman has logged on…

Foxything: Sakura-chan!

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: Naruto-chan!

Foxything: *huggles*

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: *huggles back*

sharinganpowa4ever: *gags*

bYakuganpowafoevafu: Gay

I_am_Batman: Troublesome…

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: Wait… Batman is Shikamaru!?

Foxything: Yes

I_am_Batman: *sigh*

Blonde_Wonder_Woman has logged on…

Foxything: Ino?

I_am_Batman: No, she's something different.

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: tHIS IS YOUR HOKAGE

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: Hokage-sama!?

Foxything: Grandma!?

I_am_Batman: Troublesome again…

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: wAIT…

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: Hokage-sama, your caplock.

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: bATMAN IS sHIKAMARU?

I_am_Batman had logged off…

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: wAS HE?

sharinganpowa4ever: no is bruce waine

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: ok THAT'S STUPID

sharinganpowa4ever: wel, at leest i kno how 2 us caplok

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: aT LEAST i KNOW HOW TO USE SHIFT

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: aND SPELL

bYakuganpowafoevafu: BURNED!!!

Sharinganpowa4ever has logged off…

bYakuganpowafoevafu: Well, dis been lovely fus, but Hanabi-sama iz gotta scoot!

BYakuganpowafoevafu has logged off…

Blonde_Wonder_Woman: i HAVE TO GO, TOO

Blonde_Wonder_Woman logged off…

Foxything: Huh…

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman: I think I better go too….

Foxything: Awww….

Pink_Haired_Wonder_Woman logged off…

Foxything: Aw well…

Foxything has logged off…

mangekyo2tehmax has logged on…

I_am_a_freaky_fish_guy has logged on…

Immortal_Highlander has logged on…

Showmethemoney has logged on…

Not_Pinnochio has logged on…

Imnotawoman has logged on…

Italic_n_Bold has logged on…

Angel_of_Deathnote has logged on…

I_am_Godman has logged on…

I_am_Godman: Alright, roll call. Konan, you do the honors.

Angel_of_Deathnote: Yes, Nagato-chan

I_am_a_freaky_fish_guy : Heh…

I_am_Godman: Shut up

Angel_of_Deathnote: Itachi

mangekyo2tehmax: heer

Imnotawoman: Oh, lord, can't you spell?

Angel_of_Deathnote: Zetsu

Italic_n_Bold: _Here_

Italic_n_Bold: **Here**

I_am_Godman: Just one of you is fine.

MrSandman has logged on…

I_am_Godman: Is that Tobi?

Italic_n_Bold: _Naw…_

Italic_n_Bold: **He's something different.**

MrSandman: i AM GAARA OF THE SAND

mangekyo2tehmax: o shit! is the 1-tale! ron!

mangekyo2tehmax has logged off…

I_am_a_freaky_fish_guy has logged off…

Immortal_Highlander has logged off…

Showmethemoney has logged off…

Not_Pinnochio has logged off…

Imnotawoman has logged off…

Italic_n_Bold has logged off…

Angel_of_Deathnote has logged off…

I_am_Godman has logged off…

MrSandman: Oh, here's the caplock

MrSandman: Huh? They're gone?

MrSandman: Wonder what that was about?

MrSandman: Probably not important.

MrSandman: Aaaand I'm typing to myself. Great.

MrSandman has logged off…

I_am_ a_good_boy has logged on…

I_am_ a_good_boy : Hey guys, what I miss!?

XxXxX

Sorry for not posting in a while. Sort of lost interest, really. Oh well, shut outs to whoever can match the rest of Akatsuki to their usernames.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the long wait... My computer died. :C But now it's alive! CB

Foxything: CB

I_am_Batman: And what's that supposed to be?

Foxything: An awesome smiley.

I_am_Batman: What ever happened to "(:"

Foxything: Just not awesome enough anymore.

I_am_Batman: Of course.

Heyguysimabutterfly has logged on…

Foxything: Who dat?

I_am_Batman: Chouji

Heyguysimabutterfly: Hey guys

Foxything: Sup Chouji

I_am_Batman: Hey

Heyguysimabutterfly: Guess what I heard?

Foxything: What?

Little_Miss_Piggy has logged on…

Little_Miss_Piggy: HEY GUYS ME AND SASUKE ARE DATING KTHXBAI

Little_Miss_Piggy has logged off…

Foxything: =_0

I_am_Batman: =_=

Heyguysimabutterfly: -_-'

Heyguysimabutterfly: Well, she had to go ruin the surprise

Pink_Haired_Wonderwoman has logged on…

Pink_Haired_Wonderwoman: THAT BACKSTABBING MAN STEALING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

Pink_Haired_Wonderwoman has logged off…

Heyguysimabutterfly: _0

I_am_Batman: Troublesome…

Foxything: *sniffles* WAAHH!!! I thought she was over Sasuke!

I_am_Batman: Women are too troublesome to give up crushes like that.

Foxything: *glares* The hell does that mean, Nara?

I_am_Batman: Troublesome…

Green_Beast has logged on…

Foxything: Hey Lee

Green_Beast: Naruto-chan, you must make haste!

Foxything: Wassup? :

Green_Beast: It all started with Ino-chan and beautiful Sakura-chan

Weaponatrix has logged on…

Weaponatrix: OMG SAKURA AND INO R FIGHTING

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Green_Beast: ...

Green_Beast: I feel as if wind has been taken from my sails.

Heyguysimabutterfly: Me too, man, me too.

I_am_Batman: I hate to be the one to call in any actions, but I'm afraid I must be the sensible one.

Foxything: LETS GO BREAK THEM UP!!! COME ON LEE!!!

Green_Beast: HAI!!!

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Green_Beast has logged off…

I_am_Batman: Troublesome woman.

Heyguysimabutterfly: Me too, man, me too.

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Byakuganpowafoevafu has logged on…

Head_Hyuuga has logged on…

Byakugan_Brawler has logged on…

White_Lily has logged on…

Head_Hyuuga: I hereby call this Hyuuga Family Meeting into order.

Head_Hyuuga: What is our first order of business?

Byakugan_Brawler: Hey, yeah, when the hell am I gonna get this tatoo off my forehead?

Byakuganpowerfoevafu: He got a tatoo!?

Byakuganpowerfoevafu: Why can't I have a tatoo!?

White_Lily: Neechan, he's talking about the curses seal.

Byakuganpowerfoevafu: O...

Head_Hyuuga: Yes, and you can get it off when the elders says.

Byakugan_Brawler: By the time those old bastards come to a decision, they'll be dead!

Byakuganpowerfoevafu: O yeah! You tell em, bro!

White_Lily: Neesan! Neechan! You shouldn't speak of them like that.

Head_Hyuuga: Besides, I am to know they'll be logging on soon to tell us their decision.

sharinganpowa4ever has logged on...

sharinganpowa4ever: hey guys

Head_Hyuuga: It's the Uchiha come to steal our secrets! Run!

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Head_Hyuuga has logged off…

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sharinganpowa4ever: lolwut?

sharinganpowa4ever: wayt...

sharinganpowa4ever: iz that ino n sakura?

sharinganpowa4ever: wut r they doin?

sharinganpowa4ever: omg they cumin thru my window!

sharinganpowa4ever: omg help!!!!!!!111

sharinganpowa4ever has lost connection...

OldWhiteEyes1 has logged on...

OldWhiteEyes2 has logged on...

OldWhiteEyes1: We have come to a decision.

OldWhiteEyes2: The cursed seal shall be removed from Hyuuga Neji.

OldWhiteEyes1: With his example, we shall mend the schism of the Hyuuga Family.

OldWhiteEyes: That is all.

OldWhiteEyes1 has logged off...

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*****

Naruto bounded across the buildings, hoping she wasn't too late to stop her friends from really hurting each other. She met up with Lee half way there and Shikamaru and Chouji were trailing behind them. Then they met up with Tenten.

"Tenten-chan, what is the situation?" Lee asked.

"Sakura ambushed Ino up in the square and tried clawing her eyes out with a kunai," Tenten explained, "It went downhill from there."

"Over Sasuke!?" Naruto despaired, "Has anyone told that teme!?"

"I think he already knows," Tenten pointed ahead.

Their in the middle of the street was a crowd. Surrounded by that crowd was a drama. Ino and Sakura had one of Sasuke's arms and were pulling him like a game of tug of war. Sasuke, on his part, seemed mortified, confused but mostly apathetic. Gaara and Haku were off to the side, eating curry like popcorn.

"You gave him up when you started liking Naruto-chan, Forehead-dyke!" Ino screamed.

"That does not mean you can swoop in like that, Pig-slut!" Sakura retorted. Then she added, "And I'm not a dyke!"

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Sakura!"

"It's called being bi! ... But I'm not! Totally straight!"

"I saw you giving them puppy dog eyes to Naruto-chan!"

"I was thanking her for saving me from the Cotton Candy Brigade!"

Gaara and Haku looked to each other and their pink hair mouthing, 'Cotton Candy Brigade?'

Tenten, Naruto, Lee, Shikamaru and Chouji landed next to Gaara and Haku.

"Haven't you guys tried to stop this?" Chouji asked.

"Um... no?" Gaara asked. The "No?" seemed to translate to 'Should I?' and the "Um" to 'I'm the goddamn Kazekage.'

"We're hoping they kill Sasuke," Haku stated, "To lessen our rivals for Naruto. We're also cheering for Ino to take out Sakura."

Both Gaara and Haku were grabbed by the front of their shirts. Again, two of the most dangerous genin ever, Gaara of the Bloodied Sand and Haku of the 'Can You See Me Now- Oh no, I put needles in your body! Clumsy me!' Mist. Lee the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha hefted them up by their shirt, fixing with his most indignant stare, "You would allow the death of a comrade for love!? Love is most youthful but this beavior is... is... is.... UNYOUTHFUL."

Somehow, he raised his voice to crystal clarity without shouting. He dropped the shocked Haku and Gaara back on their seats, sniffing indignantly. He turned towards the crowd, "Comrades! Friends! With me!"

No one questioned the Green Beast. Not the shinobi, not the villager. The shinobi followed him, the villagers parted for him. He got to the scene and made his presence known with an, "Oi!"

Sakura and Ino turned to the crowd of ninja, fixing them with demonic gazes. Chouji, Naruto and Tenten cringed, backing away. Shikamaru could not work up the energy to be afraid. The demonic gazes fell flatly upon Lee's... youth?

"UNYOUTHFUL," He repeated. He did not yell but Sakura and Ino cringed none the less. They dropped Sasuke who fell on his ass and glared at anyone who dared laugh. They did not, but more out of interest for Lee.

He pointed at Sakura, "Sakura-chan! I know you like Sasuke-kun dearly, but you never made your emotion clear to him. You can only be mad at yourself for another hawk swooping down on prey then you have been only eyeing vainly."

"Yeah!" Ino agreed but was silence by Lee's glare.

"Ino-chan, you know how great Sakura-chan's feelings were for Sasuke-kun. You must understand her anger," He put a hand on both their shoulders, "And all this over a boy? No offense, Sasuke-kun-"

"Hn."

"But this is silly! You two were best friends!"

Sakura and Ino blushed and looked embarassed, rubbing the back of their heads.

"Er.... sorry for taking Sasuke."

"Sorry for calling you a slut."

"And for calling you a dyke."

"And for posting those Christmas photo on the net."

"Yeah- wait what?"

"BOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

All eye turned towards the alleyway where two other ninja made their presence known. Well, three but Shino was probably not their of his own free will. Kiba and Anko were in the alley way as well, with popcorn. Akamaru was no where to be seen, perhaps because he was too smart for this.

"We wanna see some blood!" Anko called.

"Rip of 'er shirt!" Kiba cat called, which is kinda wrong.

"Use the chair!"

"And then 'er pants!"

Both of them had to dodge Lee's thrown weights, scattering them and ending their tirade. With that over, Ino and Sakura hugged with an exclamation of "FRIENDS!!!"

Tenten watched agaped, "I never knew Lee could be so... cool..."

Naruto smiled smugly, "I did."

Meanwhile, with Gaara nd his short attention span, "Hey... you know how I crush people with my sand?"

Haku nodded, "Yeah."

"And it makes my sand red with all the blood."

"Yeah."

"What about the bone?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it pulverized?"

"Yeah..."

"Like, into sand?"

"Yeah..."

"But it's white."

"Yeah!"

"So why isn't my sand pink?"

"Y-" Haku blinked, "Wai- what?"


	11. Chapter 11

GoA: *Looks up from his desk and peers closely* You… you are very much Uchiha Itachi.

Itachi: Yep.

GoA: Why are you here?

Itachi: Remember when yron33 said he'd send me on you for not writing more Gender Bender?

GoA: Yes?

Itachi: He wasn't bluffing.

GoA: Ah. So, what now? Sharingan to make me think I'm on fire?

Itachi: Nope.

GoA: Fireball jutsu to actually set me on fire?

Itachi: No, but close.

GoA: Okay, what then- What's that lighter for?

Itachi: 8D

GoA: D8

Lee listed off his accomplishments, "Sakura and Ino are friends again?"

"Ino-pig!"

"Sakura-forehead!"

"More or less," Naruto answered.

"Gaara and Haku have stopped their devious plotting?"

"So, where could we find a spike pit?" Haku asked.

"Can the spike pit be used?" Gaara asked.

"Sure."

"Then I think I know a guy."

"Why not?" Naruro said.

"And Sasuke is alright?" Lee listed last.

"My arms, they pulled them from my sockets…" The Uchiha genius moaned, "By the Sharingods, why? Why? Why must I still feel my ARMS!?"

"Would you define alright as 'Still alive?'" Naruto asked.

"I believe my work here is done," Lee said, "Up, up and AWAY."

And Rock Lee jumped so high in the air he almost flew.

That night…

**"Brat."**

"Fox."

**"I see you have yet to seduce a male."**

"Yeah, about that. Since you're gay, aren't you a wee-bit uncomfortable inside a girl?"

**"I'd ask if that was an innuendo but I realize you don't have the capacity to think of such things."**

"Huh?"

**"Precisely. Besides, I've thought of that. Since last we've met, I gave myself a sex change."**

"Er... how?"

**"Well, one I'm the Kamidamned Kyuubi! I can do whatever the hell I want."**

"Oh..."

**"And second, their is nothing that can't be solved by liberal applications of oral violence."**

Naruto looked up at the big dark cage for a moment, as her mind-within-her-mind tried to work what that meant. When she finally came to the right conclusion, she did not like it very much.

**"Now with that lovely thought, let's see what pleasant dreams your subconscious cooks up!" **The Kyuubi laughed as she sent Naruto back into dreaming.

Naruto had nightmares.

When the young jinchuuriki awoke with a shriek, she clutched her head and muttered, "And I wondered why Gaara couldn't sleep."

Meanwhile, at the hastily assembled Wind Country Embassy. And by, hastily assembled, Gaara fucking made it and maintains it WITH HIS MIND. Fuck yeah!

....

Where was I?

Oh yeah, the wacky adventures of Gaara of the Sand and Shikaku One-Tail...

**"I WANNA ROCK! ROCK!"**

Gaara clutched his head, trying to block out the racoon demon's constantly singing so he could get some freakin' shut eye!

"Kamidamnit, if some guy came out to me and told me he'd get rid of you, I'd sign-up so hard even if it meant my painful agonizing death!"

Somewhere, Deidara sneezed with all four of his mouths.

"I find it creepy when you do that," Sasori told him while modifying his battle-armor puppet Hiruko.

"Well, I find it creepy when you get friendly with your puppets," Deidara retorted.

"... I hope you die, Deidara."

"I hope you die first."

"I hope you die ugly and fat."

"I hope you die at the hands of a little girl and a old lady!"

The next day…

"So can I be a Konoha ninja?" Zabuza asked.

"Sure," Tsunade said.

"Really?"

"No. Now go back to your torture chamber. Ibiki has this corkscrew technique he wants to try."

"Awww…."

After the dejected missing-nin left a ANBU officer approached, "Um… Hokage. Could you…. Look outside your windows?"

And Tsunade did just that, noticing a giant tower of ice and sand on either side. She cocked a brow and turned to the officer, "Well, come on. Let's go greet the new neighbors."


	12. Chapter 12

Goa: I like reviews, thus to encourage them, I'm going to respond to them. Here goes!

Tama Saga: I have this funny feeling Gai might be crushing on Kakashi...eh...

Goa: Here is my fanon canon response: No. Gai has a platonic man-crush on him, if that makes sense, born of massive amounts of respect and admiration for his abilities. The feelings are, in fact, returned.

Drswoc: Is Naruto going to have a relationship with Anko and Kurenai too?

Goa: They might show up but really, this is kinda limited to the top NarutoxX shipping fandoms out there. Anko and Kurenai are out there, just not out on top.

Adngo: wtf?

Goa: Fuck the what?

IceCrome: You LIED. You said this would be a one-shot. LIAR.

Goa: You have uncovered the truth, lifted the veil of my conspiracy. Your prize? DEATH.

IceCrome: (cont) The ironic thing is, you actually CAN see Naruto's figure one time, and Hinata's. Naruto's when Jirayia was teaching him to walk on water, and Hinata's when she was being taken away by the paramedics after the fight with Neji. But whatever. This IS a humour fic after all. ;D

Goa: My god, HE KNOWS TOO MUCH.

Yron33: dude this is great! if you dont keep writung i'll send itachi on ya!

Goa: I'm still in the burn ward because of you.

Gomjibar22: You're smoking something, aren't you?

Goa: IRL, people really think that. It's not true though. Craziness is MY anti-drug.

Recodan: This story earns you a SODA! If you feel like collecting, drive to colorado.

Goa: =_= Naruto? Get the car. We're going on a road trip.

Naruto: Do I have to wear this Drag Racer Girl outfit? Kinda… skimpy.

Goa: What? No. You're flat as a board. That's for Hinata.

Hinata: Meep!

NarutoNamikaze: Was the Anbu who did that to Zabuza, Yamato? If harem is Itachi in it, or was that to just to catch Naruto? Where's Jiraiya & Iruka?

Goa: Yes, just to catch him and they'll show up at some point.

Kuno-Baby: I've got a fever, and the only proscription... is more cowbell.

Goa: Mooooooooooooooooo-

TheVandy24: great screen names. very original.

Goa: And the shout out goes too, THE 24TH VANDY!!!

The-Blue-Zephyr: BTW, guess who this is?

Goa: It's a Pokemon!

Ask Ketchum: Pokeball GO!

Goa: Gotta catch 'em all!

Deviate Fish: Who the hell is deimara?

Goa: An original character used as a joke and a plot device.

NarutosBrat: Just out of curiosity, were Shika and Chouji perhaps singing Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Goa: Nope.

Chouji: *Looking up that song*

EDelta88: what's with all the centering?

Goa: Don' worry. That's just in the earlier stories. It was from back when I posted these on forums.

Bag o' Moon Frogs: I will set the frigid bastard of your choice on you if you don't update soon! My choice would be Hitsugaya Toushirou from Bleach.

Goa: .

Hitsugaya: Yeah, I was just gonna pour this bucket of ice down your pants.

Goa: .

Chrosis: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!??!

Goa: In Hell. ._.

"So what's wrong with Jiraiya-sama?" Iruka asked.

"Well, ever since he found out Naruto's a girl-" Kakashi said.

"I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!" Jiraiya shouted.

"- he's been worried about all those times he made her use the Sexy Jutsu for his amusement."

"Oh."

"I'm too pretty to go to jail for this," The Frog Hermit sobbed.

Tsunade looked up the two towers shadowing her own, "Gaara! Haku! We need to talk."

Gaara floated down a platform of ice and Haku merely melted out of the mirror surface of his own tower.

"Hokage," Gaara nodded.

"Hokage-sama," Haku bowed.

"Gaara…" Tsunade began, "Don't you have a village to run?"

"Don't worry, I have a regent."

At the Village Hidden by Sand…

"How come you get to be regent?" Kankuro whined.

"Because I'M the oldest," Temari countered.

"Yeah, well Gaara is our younger brother, so what does that tell you?"

"That our father went crazy after YOU were born."

Back the Leaf Village…

"Okay, yes fine. You have diplomatic rights," She turned to Haku, "But you're a missing nin. What do I do with you."

"If you don't trust me, I could room with a more trusted member of the village. Perhaps Naruto?"

Sand swirled around Gaara angrily as he glared daggers at Haku, but Tsunade ignored him, "Yes, that seems acceptable."

Naruto and Lee walked together, chatting.

"So then I kicked him in the face and we were friends again."

"Lee, why do all your stories end that way?"

Woosh.

Jiraiya made his presence known standing in front of them as impressively as he could manage. As it was, that was still pretty damn impressive.

"Alright, brat. You got me in a tight spot," He admitted.

"Huh?"

"So, to shut you up, I'll teach you any jutsu you want."

"Really!?"

Lee's eyes lit up, "Naruto! What a great opportunity! Think of what you could learn with such a great youthful master!""

"Hmmm," Naruto looked at Lee, "Hey, ero-sensei, you think you could teach Lee a trick or two?"

"Really!?"

Jiraiya, "Yeah, sure, anything. Just don't turnmeintothepolice."

Karaoke Bar…

Ino and Sakura each held on to one of Sasuke's arms as they watched the odd five man group called 'The Sound Four' doing their rendition of the Power Ranger theme song.

Ino peered at them, "Hey do those guys look familiar?"

Sakura nodded, "A bit."

Sasuke scowled in greater recognition, "Oh yeah…"


End file.
